I Am A Mother
As my circle of friends without children has grown smaller
and my circle of friends who are unmarried grows even smaller yet, I find
myself meditating on my current state in life. Single. No children. And to be
honest I’m not even sure if I am called to marriage (enough bad relationships
will make any girl question her vocation).
But I do know I am called to be a mother, or better said, TO mother.
I am a mother hen by nature. I can’t help it. When I ask
someone how he or she is I mean it. How ARE you, really, on the inside? I feel
the need to feed. And I worry whether a person knows how much they are loved as
they are, where ever they are. And while
most women my age are hearing the “tick, tick” of their biological clock I have
come to a beautiful place only by the grace of God, and that place is an
understanding that even though no one calls me “Mama” I am a mother to many
whether they know it or not.
I have many Goddaughters. They range from age 1 to 70+ years
old and are spread across the globe from here in South Carolina to the Nuba
Mountains of Sudan. I am called to pray for them, to encourage them in their
faith/faith formation, and to be an example of holiness to the best of my
ability (I fail miserably at this one).
I AM their spiritual mother.
On any given night at the hospital I take care of between 10
and 20 patients as a nurse assistant. For some I simply float silently in and
out of their room to take vital signs. For others, I listen to their stories of
fear, frustration, and victory as they battle whatever illness brought them
through our hospital doors. And for a few, I am the last hand they hold, the
last face they see, or the last voice they hear as they step across the
threshold into heaven. I AM their nursing mother.
There are many forms of illness in our world and I have a
great amount of compassion for those who suffer from the diseases that cannot
be seen. When they speak of wanting to be free from the memories that haunt
them I understand. When they choose destructive lifestyles I can grasp this is
simply a way to numb the pain they feel. And when they feel abandoned by their
friends, family, or even God I nod my head because I know. I AM their suffering
mother.
Everyday I am blessed to be a mother. It has brought me
great joy these past months to realize that I can be and am a mother. Like our
own mothers and THE holy Mother, I rejoice, grieve, and encourage alongside “my
children” and for “my children.” I am thankful for the example Mother Mary gave
and I am even more thankful that Christ gave her to us ALL when he hung on the
cross (John 19: 27- Then He said to the disciple, “Behold your mother.” And
from that day forward the disciple took her into his home.) Being a mother is
beyond genetics. It is about offering oneself to others unconditionally the way
Mama Mary offers herself to us, her children, in every moment of our lives.
I AM a spiritual, nursing, suffering mother.
