God Will Provide/ St.Therese of Lisieux

Updated Timeline:

• 2.5 Months- move to Washington, DC
• 2 Months- move to SC to celebrate the holidays with my family
• 2 Days- 2 out 3 furry children go to their new mommy
• 3 Days-move in with a gracious friend who is "storing me" for 2 months
• 5 Days-load my possessions into a pod

Level of Stress: off the chart
Sleep Habits: Sleep? What's Sleep?
Grace from Heaven to "Keep on Keepin' On?:" there isn't an ocean big enough to contain it


I have been spending time every day with Jesus in the Tabernacle. I pray a lot, listen for that still small voice, and I read...currently Saint Therese of Lisieux: The Story of a Soul


And just when I think that God cannot shower anymore grace upon me I read the following: Yet God has made me so that when once I love, I love for ever. (please see My Love Language post for importance). I had to giggle. What peace I found in knowing that the Little Flower, a Doctor of the Church, is as passionate about those that she loves as I am. And in that moment I found such comfort to know that love transends all time and space and no matter where I am or where those whom I love are... our love will reach one another. Just like the love of Jesus on the Cross.


St. Therese of Lisieux pray for us and may we continue to learn and apply your "little ways" to our daily lives.

My Love Language

I read a book many years ago called The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapmen. The premise of the book is that each of us feels loved by experiencing love in one of the following 5 ways:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

My "love language" is Quality Time...I feel closest to my friends and loved ones when we are together. We don't even have to talk. In fact I enjoy sitting next to those that are closest to my heart in mass, sharing in the beauty of our faith.

So, it occurred to me today as I was driving home from work that maybe, because my love language is quality time, that it might be the reason why I have become the insecure person that I have turned into these last 10 days.  That I have tried to fill every moment with being with my closest friends and have asked a million times for reassurance that they will stay in touch. The circumstances before me will force my love language of  Quality Time to morph into a new love language of which I am not sure of yet.

So I continued to ponder, meditate, which ever you choose to call it, that maybe this is what the 12 apostles went through as the circumstances with their beloved teacher changed.  That they had to shift their love language as the accessibility to our Lord changed. I am sure that it was a shock to have Jesus in the flesh and then to watch Him ascend into heaven after his death and resurrection, and then He was no longer available in the flesh but in the Spirit. 

I know that we have some friends are for a season, and the thought of that makes my heart hurt. But if the Apostles can adjust the way that the felt loved by their friend and savior Jesus, than surely I can do the same with my friends. I can't say that there won't be more tears or more need for reassurance. But I can say that once again I rely on the example of the saints to give me the courage to be molded by our Father into what He would have me be...even if it hurts.

Naked As a Jay Bird

I have struggled my whole life with my physical appearance. I have been on a diet from the day I was born....when I was skinny, I wasn't skinny and I even celebrated my 20th birthday at fat camp (no I am not kidding). I was teased mercilessly by the kids in elementary school and even through high school. Someone once asked me how I still turned out so "confident" and my only answer was God. You would think my skin would be nice and thick with all of things that people have done and said but praise God I am still as tender hearted as ever.



My mom did a great job teaching me to wear clothes that flattered my assets :) and I have loved makeup since I was a little girl. I would like to think that for the most part I have kept up with what society tells us is beautiful as best I can with what I have. I enjoy clothes and feel I have my own way of expressing myself with my sense of fashion etc.



I say all this because my uniform arrived. For the next 6-9 months my wardrobe will consist of a navy mid calf skirt and a white blouse period... no makeup, no highlights, nothing. Just the canvas that God gave me. Talk about a humbling moment. Never before have I felt more vulnerable then when I looked at myself in the mirror with my mousie brown hair and unapplied face...and I will admit I had a mini melt down.

It was like there was nothing left for me to hide behind. Nothing to distort the way God made me...no Lancome, no Tiffany's, no Nordstrom's...nothing. I felt naked as a Jay Bird.



I know, I know...my beauty lies in Christ. But what a moment it was. To see myself so "different" from what I have seen myself as for the past 20-10 years and such a contrast from what the world calls beautiful.

I look like a Mormon for crying out loud!

I know once I am with the sisters, in their beautiful habits, that I will be encouraged and feel less like "a fish out of water" or at least people will be too scared to laugh at me with a bunch of nuns gathered around.

I look forward to the day that I will wear that beautiful black habit as a sign of my espousal to Christ. Until then...I will have to rely on great shoes!

I'm Starting to Panic

I started to work on my timeline today...

• 4 Months- move to Washington, DC
• 3.5 Months- move to SC to celebrate the holidays with my family
• 1.5 Months-load my possessions into a pod and give my furry children to their new mommys (I burst into tears every time I think about this)

I am starting to panic. My chest is tight and I don't know where to begin to get things done. 

I feel exhausted of all decision making capabilities...

Although I am looking forward to the freedom of owning less, how do you choose what to store and what to take?

Do I take the crochet blanket that my mother made when I was a baby or do I take the quilt that was made for me when I graduated high school? If I take both is that excess? 

Do I take the Marine Corp K-Bar that was given to me when I moved from Beaufort or do I take MOTH 2 (Man of the House) that was given to me by my roommate Brooke to protect me (She has MOTH 1).  If I take both am I a military crazed, big knife carrying lunatic?

How many photos can I take? Can I take some of my Hibel paintings as well as Ode to Sarah made by my dear friend Natalie (taking Ode to Sarah is not a question it is merely can I take Hibels with me too)?

I have been told to come with as little as possible...how do you do that? 

These are the decisions that I just can't make now. 

I know that it may seem trivial but I feel paralyzed right now...somewhere between moderate stress and a panic attack.

I am experiencing a rude awakening of how dependent I am on things...

God is stretching me...pushing me. I am OK with that, it hurts, but I am OK!

Really? Now?

Have you ever noticed that as soon as you become "unavilable..." from out of no where boys start flirting with you?

You know telling you how great you look or noticing that you wear pink chucks and that they like that? Or asking you out on dates etc...

Where have you been for the past 8 years when dating was on the agenda?

Really? Now?

10 Reasons Why Being a Beaufort,SC Girl Rocks!

It occurred to me today that my blog was getting WAY too serious and probably boring the "bejesus" out of people. So, I decided I would do a "Top Ten" list on some of my favorite subjects...Today's topic?

"Top 10 Reasons Why Being a Beaufort, SC Girl Rocks"

10. The South Carolina State Flag- Our flag is awesome! It doesn't offend anyone or send them into a tizzy. In fact, I think the pride that South Carolinian's have for their flag is unlike any in the US. I have at least 3 pairs of flip flops with the "Palmetto Moon" flag on them not to mention the accessories...I prefer the above pink and green but any color will do, except orange- GO GAMECOCKS!.

9. Frogmore Stew- this is a delicious concoction of shrimp, corn, smoked sausage, and potatoes. It is also known as "Lowcountry Boil." Now, you put this little number out with a bucket of beer and you have yourself one grade A classy get together...especially the part where you pour the stew directly on the table and eat with your hands. Only in SC can you do that and still be a "Flower of the South."

8. Humidity- I know people think that it is hot here in "Hotlanta" but it is a sauna out in Beaufort and the best part is you don't EVER have to pay for a facial...you just step outside and wallah instant steamer...very good for getting those pesky blackheads!

7. Charleston Steve's- although this term has the word "Charleston" in is description it is a universal identifier of a certain type of southern man. A Charleston Steve is someone who wears khaki shorts with a button down shirt (tucked in the front and untucked in the back...kind of like the mullet of the dress shirt world) and one of those belts that have ships, or the SC flag...you get the drift. And they ALWAYS have their sunglasses around their neck attached by a Croakie. They are genuinely nice guys who have an easy going outlook on life not too dissimilar to Matthew McConaughey (call me).

6. Seersucker Suites- There is nothing better than going to church on Sunday mornings in Beaufort, SC at St. Helen's Episcopal Church (yes, I know I am Catholic now but I wasn't then) and seeing the lovely older southern gentlemen in their Seersucker Suites. You just want to sit and have a glass of sweet tea with them. Now I realize for you Yankees out there Seersucker may be a foreign term...but Google it, buy one...you are sure to snag a nice Southern Girl with one of those.

5. Bless Her Heart- now I hope they don't take away my "Southern License" for telling this one but there is something in the way that you can tell someone some unfortunate news about anything ex. their new haircut or new outfit and by simply adding the phrase "bless their heart" on the end it doesn't sound like an insult, it sounds like you have true sympathy for them...FYI, if someone says "Bless Her Pea Pickin' Heart" that is soooooo not good, that is like 10 times more of an insult than a plan old "Bless Her Heart." Try it out...let me know how it goes.

4. Bloody Mary's- no Sunday in Beaufort is complete with out a Bloody Mary at brunch on the porch overlooking the inter-coastal waterway. Some call it beautiful, I call it heaven.

3. Shagging- no not that, get your mind out of the gutter. Shagging, the dance. Although I do not know how to shag (it doesn't work well when you have English parents...ha ha ha) I love the music and the time that the Shag Dance represents when things were slower and simpler.

2. The Beach- sun, fruity drinks...need I say more?

1. Flip Flops-I know you are shocked...I believe that you can wear flip flops year round with any outfit except when it snows (unless you are that good than kudos to you) and with any outfit.

Can I Really Make A Difference

My heart broke today when I read the article about the Soldier who was made famous by this photo, PFC Joseph Dwyer (read the article and you will understand). We've all seen this picture in media and even on those "forward this on for the troops" emails.

PFC Dwyer died June 28th from "huffing" aerosols. He had PTSD and I suppose (only suppose) that he was tired of fighting the nightmare in his head that never ended...even when he was awake and this was a way to find freedom.

Although I have never seen combat and will NEVER understand what our service men/women go through as they decompress from the war upon their return home, I do know what no hope does to you.

My own family struggled to understand what was going on in my head as I recovered from my own illness, how the "sickness" almost won. There are no words, and the best analogy I could come up with is when someone is drowning in the movies they fight and fight and fight to stay above the water, but then there is that point. That point where they can't fight anymore and they slowly and somewhat peacefully sink the bottom and die. That is what "no hope" feels like. Like death is better than life and you just don't have the strength to go on.

I wonder sometimes if I was allowed to suffer as I did to gain a glimpse into the war of the mind, that my time of utter despair, darkness upon darkness will somehow allow me to love these wounded warriors for Christ. If that is the case, I praise God for the beauty that He brought forth from the ashes.

But as I read further in the article this Soldier's family and friends tried to get him help in the both the military and civilian world with no avail. The military would point at the civilian world and the civilian world would point right back at the military, while in the meantime the clock is running out of time.

Can I beat that system? Do I have scissors big and sharp enough to cut the bureaucratic red tape? Do I have enough perseverance to push the system until it breaks allowing the healing waters to flow in and provide the care that is needed and deserved? Can the love that lives in my heart and the desire to be Christ to others bring down the walls that have been built up?

I can only assume that PFC Dwyer was tired of fighting his living hell, the war that followed him here to the US, and that he felt his only hope was to sink to the bottom. I don't know if someone was Christ to him as he fought to stay afloat or in his final hour as he decided to sink. I don't know if I could have made a difference in his life. I do know, however, that the system failed him and that is not acceptable and in fact it is abominable. I get angry when I think about those who are suffering in the mind like this. I pray that this anger is the driving force that will allow me to push the envelope, to "rock the boat" a little bit...or a lot.

Dear Heavenly Father,

You know the torments of those who suffer from PTSD- both their secret torments and the obvious. We pray today for a perfect cure for all who suffer from this illness. Comfort the afflicted and show them your love and compassion and especially send them a speedy, perfect cure.

St. Michael the Archangel defend them against the enemy at work.

In Jesus' Name, Amen.