My heart broke today when I read the article about the Soldier who was made famous by this photo, PFC Joseph Dwyer (read the article and you will understand). We've all seen this picture in media and even on those "forward this on for the troops" emails.
PFC Dwyer died June 28th from "huffing" aerosols. He had PTSD and I suppose (only suppose) that he was tired of fighting the nightmare in his head that never ended...even when he was awake and this was a way to find freedom.
Although I have never seen combat and will NEVER understand what our service men/women go through as they decompress from the war upon their return home, I do know what no hope does to you.
My own family struggled to understand what was going on in my head as I recovered from my own illness, how the "sickness" almost won. There are no words, and the best analogy I could come up with is when someone is drowning in the movies they fight and fight and fight to stay above the water, but then there is that point. That point where they can't fight anymore and they slowly and somewhat peacefully sink the bottom and die. That is what "no hope" feels like. Like death is better than life and you just don't have the strength to go on.
I wonder sometimes if I was allowed to suffer as I did to gain a glimpse into the war of the mind, that my time of utter despair, darkness upon darkness will somehow allow me to love these wounded warriors for Christ. If that is the case, I praise God for the beauty that He brought forth from the ashes.
But as I read further in the article this Soldier's family and friends tried to get him help in the both the military and civilian world with no avail. The military would point at the civilian world and the civilian world would point right back at the military, while in the meantime the clock is running out of time.
Can I beat that system? Do I have scissors big and sharp enough to cut the bureaucratic red tape? Do I have enough perseverance to push the system until it breaks allowing the healing waters to flow in and provide the care that is needed and deserved? Can the love that lives in my heart and the desire to be Christ to others bring down the walls that have been built up?
I can only assume that PFC Dwyer was tired of fighting his living hell, the war that followed him here to the US, and that he felt his only hope was to sink to the bottom. I don't know if someone was Christ to him as he fought to stay afloat or in his final hour as he decided to sink. I don't know if I could have made a difference in his life. I do know, however, that the system failed him and that is not acceptable and in fact it is abominable. I get angry when I think about those who are suffering in the mind like this. I pray that this anger is the driving force that will allow me to push the envelope, to "rock the boat" a little bit...or a lot.
Dear Heavenly Father,
You know the torments of those who suffer from PTSD- both their secret torments and the obvious. We pray today for a perfect cure for all who suffer from this illness. Comfort the afflicted and show them your love and compassion and especially send them a speedy, perfect cure.
St. Michael the Archangel defend them against the enemy at work.
In Jesus' Name, Amen.
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