Thanksgiving 2011

Thanksgiving....its a dichotomy of a holiday. On one hand you are longing to reunite with your family, extended and otherwise, and then you get there are reminded how dysfunctional they are and count down the days until you return home.

I have much to be thankful for this year and as I haven't blogged in a while I thought this would be the perfect time to write them down.

1. My Values: people out there may not agree with my view on life issues( from the womb to the tomb), my love of the Catholic church and the teachings of the Magisterium, or other "hot" social topics but at least I KNOW what I believe and why. When I attend the "March for Life" every January I don't do it for the sight seeing opportunity...I do it because I believe in life and the value that it has. I joined the Patriot Guard Riders not because I look great in leather but because I love our military and believe in protecting their honor from crazazy people. I wonder if the "occupy' people even know what they are occupying for.

2.Our Military: Yes, I am thankful for every man and woman who has and will volunteer to serve in our military...but what I am more thankful for is living in a military town for the past 12 years. Every day I am awaken by the sounds of future Marines on Parris Island practicing on the rifle range. Some people may find gunfire disturbing...but I find it comforting. Just across the water from my home are men and women who are apart of or training to be apart of the most elite fighting force in the world, the United States Marines. I have faces, memories, and experiences of real Marines whom I call friends. Our military is not some phantom force that I hear about in the news, but they are my friends...dear friends, who have helped shape me into the patriotic woman that I am today. The greatest gift I ever received is my Ka-Bar from my Marine friends...even though I am a lowly civilian, it reminds me that I have friends in high and important places who are "the few, and the proud."

3. Co-Nursing Students (Friends): The Lowcountry can be a lonely place...it is a transient town filled with a lot of retired folks. However, I have made friends with some of the most amazing women through nursing school. These women are not only RN students, but they are mothers and wives. I only have to worry about myself but they worry about not only themselves but their families. We support and encourage one another. We want each other to succeed and I believe that anyone of them, like me, would do just about anything to help the other succeed in school. We laugh together, cry together, and for many of us pray for one another. We each love God in a special way and take one another's burdens to Him as Sisters in Christ. I look forward to class and clinical NOT just because of the learning experience but because I get to be with my friends.

4. Trials and Tribulations: James 1:2-4, 12- "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith devolops perseverance. Perseverance must finish it's work so that you will be mature and complete, not lacking anything. Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will recieve the crown of life that God has pormised to those who love him." Need I say more?

5. My Parents: When I came home from the convent I felt defeated and like a failure. I felt as if I had gone through a divorce except it was worse because it was Jesus. There are somethings that only parents can endure with the unconditional love that parents give...and this was one of them. They let me grieve and find my way. They encouraged me to go back to school and pledged their support, emotionally and financially, while I per sued my RN degree. Although they are not religious people, they know that I am, and through their gentle words, as I went through the grieving process, they reminded me that the Church has always been a source of comfort for me. But they let me return to Mother Church on my time. Like all parents they want the best for their children and when I feel so very behind in life compared to my contemporaries, they remind me of all that I have accomplished and not to compare myself to others.

6. My Birth-Parents: They gave me life...they could have chosen abortion, but they chose life. That is all.

7. Confidence: I am thankful for the growing confidence that I am gaining. I don't intend to sound prideful but I am learning that I am a pretty cool chick. The reason that I am thankful for this is it has slowly given me the confidence to demand to be treated as that by others (mostly men that I date). I dated a boy for about a year and I lacked such confidence that I allowed him to treat me in an unacceptable manor. I felt as if I had nothing to offer him and that I was lucky that he was interested in me. But through the "drama" that ensued from our relationship I learned a lot about myself. I may be shaped like a paler version of Queen Latifah but that in no way diminish my worth as a woman...lets face it, she is kind of smokin' hot. I was just inducted into Phi Theta Kappa because I am smart (God given smart but smart just the same). I earned a spot in a nursing program that receives hundreds of applicants and they choose only the best. I have traveled to 3rd world countries to spread the love of God and one day hope to serve our men and women in uniform as a DOD Combat RN. All of these things have given me the confidence to see myself as the kick ass woman God has made me and to demand respect from any man who wishes to court me.

8. Youth Ministry: I am thankful for the opportunity to volunteer with the youth in my parish. They keep me young, they keep me hip, and allow me to share the love of Christ. I own many pairs of TOMS and unnecessary scarves (I have yet to give into skinny jeans) so that I can be fashionable just like them and well, feel kind of cool.

9. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups: They keep me fueled during late night study sessions and calm during stressful moments. In general they make an all over more pleasant interacting with SM experience.

10. Beer: Benjamin Franklin said it best-"In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria."

This Thanksgiving I encourage you to make your own list of things that you are thankful for...it can help put our "first world" life into perspective.

Happy Thanksgiving.

The Nuba Mountains

As you know, the Nuba Mountains of Sudan, Africa hold a special place in my heart. What I experienced there, although I have tried, has never been adequately expressed in words...it changed my life.

What most people don't know is they are in the middle of a war between the the governments of the North and the South. Sudan is set to succeed into two states, the North and the South. However, the North is less then willing to let go of the Southern portion of the country as that is where the oil is.

The people of Gidel are a peaceful and loving people...Muslim, Tribal, and Christians all living together in peace. However, they are stuck in a horrible place...the middle.

Please pray for my Sudan. My friends are there and I hoped (and still hope) to return there once I am finished with nursing school. It holds a piece of my heart...

You won't hear about the war on US TV or read about it in our the papers...I don't know why but you won't.

Please, as the people of the Nuba Mountains suffer, pray for them, pray for their children. The Northern government bombed schools before...I have no doubt they will do it again.

Pride

Today's readings are centered around Lazarus....not Jesus' BFF but Lazarus the beggar (Luke 16:19-31).

There is a beautiful meditation in the Magnificat (shout out) that says the meaning of Lazarus name is "boethou'menos"- one who has been helped. I was struck deep at the meditation as it says the rich man was guilty of nothing more than pride....but what a horrible repercussion to his pride...not only was the rich man sent to an eternity of damnation but an eternity knowing that in all probability his brothers would follow. What a horrible burden!

But the saddest realization is that the opportunity for the rich man to "rid himself" from the sin of pride was before him on a daily basis. The reason Lazarus sat at the gate of the rich man was to hold the rich man accountable. Lazarus could have sat in a dark corner hiding his sores, filth, and even his deep longing to eat just the scraps that fell from the rich man's table but instead Lazarus was in plain site of the rich man day after day...which if you think about it is actually an act of mercy on the part of Lazarus. By sitting at the rich man's gate Lazarus offered with humility a constant means for the rich man to be relieved of his sin of pride and enter the kingdom of heaven.

We are called to have mercy on one another and to help each other carry our cross. We are called to examine our interactions with humanity and how we are relieving one another's sufferings. We may not see beggars covered with sores at our gates but everyday we pass by those who are suffering whether that be in body or mind. And it is our responsibility, as followers of Christ, to put aside our pride and reach down and help our suffering brothers and sisters carry their cross.

And by the same token, it is our responsibility to our brothers and sisters in Christ, to offer them the opportunity to help us carry our cross and rid themselves of the sin called pride...which if you think about it, the refusal to allow someone to help you carry your cross is also an act of pride.

If we think that we can live life alone with no help from others we are mistaken and filled with just as much pride as the rich man who walks buy the suffering Lazarus day after day.

I encourage you to use this beautiful time of Lent to look around you and see where Christ is offering an opportunity to rid yourself of such sins as pride...take a moment to look at your gate for Lazarus....he only wants the crumbs from your table after all.

+SM

I Am The Pro-Life Generation

Teenagers...what can I say about them other than I was one once.

My dear friend is a youth minister on Hilton Head Island which has given me the opportunity to volunteer with the youth at our parish. I will totally admit that I was VERY intimidated at the thought of interacting with middle/high schoolers as I was awkward at that age and am not totally sure I have grown out of it.

This past weekend I was privileged enough to help chaperone the youth group's annual trip to the March for Life in Washington DC. As an adopted child you can imagine that Pro-Life movement is one that is near and dear to my heart.

Although it was not my first time to the Washington DC March for Life , it was my first time chaperoning youth on an out of town trip...I was terrified. Hanging with youth and playing "ninja" is one thing but being responsible for their coming and going etc was enough to make me loose sleep in the days ahead.

As we wrapped up the March for Life trip we were asked to fill out a questionnaire with our thoughts on the trip...one of the questions was "When did you feel God was closest to us" or some variation of that.

My answer?

As we left the church at midnight Friday night to head to Washington DC we were lead in a Rosary by Team Dominican (2 Dominican Sisters that were also chaperoning the trip). By the time the Rosary was over I looked around and every single one of the youth were asleep. And THAT is when I felt God was closest to us. I felt as if we were in this peaceful bubble and that the world was just and right. I wanted to go around to every one of them and say a prayer over them and make the sign of the cross on their forehead...to remind them just how much God loves them and how precious they are to Him. I wanted them to know that when life goes "pear shaped" God will always be there to lead you were He wants you.

By no means do I feel "called" to be a Youth Minister BUT I do feel called to love. And loving these young people was enough to make my heart explode. As much as I hate to admit it, for fear of loosing my "street cred" these young men and women stole my heart and this beautiful pilgrimage to the Washington DC March for Life will forever be a grace filled time in my life.

I'm Back....

A little more than a year ago I returned home from my time discerning to become a religious sister. My transition to being back in the world, while on the surface, looked easy (I got a hair cut and my eyebrows waxed right after I got off the bus from Washington DC) inside my heart it has been a long and pain process of grieving.

The reasons I returned home are not important. But the way I felt inside is. I felt as if I had gone to marry Christ and He had decided He did not want to marry me. I felt rejected. And the worst part is I felt rejected by God. The ONE person whom had never let me down.

I have gone through all of the steps of grieving. Shock, guilt, anger...etc. My friends and family have been incredibly supportive. They have listened to me try to reconcile how Christ wouldn't want to marry me (I am kind of adorable after all). They have never stopped loving me...they were my Christ.

As I began to build my life back I learned to "fake it" for the sake of others. A handful of people knew how much I was struggling...that I was playing with fire when it came to my soul. I stopped going to Mass and Confession (which had been a daily and bi-weekly activity respectfully for the past year). I stopped PRAYING my Rosary which was the very thing that lead me to the Catholic church in the first place-funny enough though I never stopped carrying one in my pocket.

I found that I wasn't mad at the Church I was directly mad at God. He was the one person who could have changed the outcome of the whole experience. I yelled and screamed at Him while simultaneously begging Him to remove the pain I felt and hold me that way He had my entire life previous to this time. I wanted very much to throw my shoe at the tabernacle. Some people may have found my anger towards God shocking....but I saw at as confirmation that I really believe that He exists and has control over my life.

Through no work of my own but by the unconditional love and support of friends and family, my Christ(s) on Earth, I have found my way back into the arms of my loving Heavenly Father, His only begotten Son, and my most benevolent Mama Mary.

I look forward to Mass once again and end my day with my nightly Rosary. I am thankful for the never ending love that flows from the Mercy Seat of Christ and the Sacraments of the Catholic Church which heal my wounded soul. God is Love.