I Am The Pro-Life Generation

Teenagers...what can I say about them other than I was one once.

My dear friend is a youth minister on Hilton Head Island which has given me the opportunity to volunteer with the youth at our parish. I will totally admit that I was VERY intimidated at the thought of interacting with middle/high schoolers as I was awkward at that age and am not totally sure I have grown out of it.

This past weekend I was privileged enough to help chaperone the youth group's annual trip to the March for Life in Washington DC. As an adopted child you can imagine that Pro-Life movement is one that is near and dear to my heart.

Although it was not my first time to the Washington DC March for Life , it was my first time chaperoning youth on an out of town trip...I was terrified. Hanging with youth and playing "ninja" is one thing but being responsible for their coming and going etc was enough to make me loose sleep in the days ahead.

As we wrapped up the March for Life trip we were asked to fill out a questionnaire with our thoughts on the trip...one of the questions was "When did you feel God was closest to us" or some variation of that.

My answer?

As we left the church at midnight Friday night to head to Washington DC we were lead in a Rosary by Team Dominican (2 Dominican Sisters that were also chaperoning the trip). By the time the Rosary was over I looked around and every single one of the youth were asleep. And THAT is when I felt God was closest to us. I felt as if we were in this peaceful bubble and that the world was just and right. I wanted to go around to every one of them and say a prayer over them and make the sign of the cross on their forehead...to remind them just how much God loves them and how precious they are to Him. I wanted them to know that when life goes "pear shaped" God will always be there to lead you were He wants you.

By no means do I feel "called" to be a Youth Minister BUT I do feel called to love. And loving these young people was enough to make my heart explode. As much as I hate to admit it, for fear of loosing my "street cred" these young men and women stole my heart and this beautiful pilgrimage to the Washington DC March for Life will forever be a grace filled time in my life.

I'm Back....

A little more than a year ago I returned home from my time discerning to become a religious sister. My transition to being back in the world, while on the surface, looked easy (I got a hair cut and my eyebrows waxed right after I got off the bus from Washington DC) inside my heart it has been a long and pain process of grieving.

The reasons I returned home are not important. But the way I felt inside is. I felt as if I had gone to marry Christ and He had decided He did not want to marry me. I felt rejected. And the worst part is I felt rejected by God. The ONE person whom had never let me down.

I have gone through all of the steps of grieving. Shock, guilt, anger...etc. My friends and family have been incredibly supportive. They have listened to me try to reconcile how Christ wouldn't want to marry me (I am kind of adorable after all). They have never stopped loving me...they were my Christ.

As I began to build my life back I learned to "fake it" for the sake of others. A handful of people knew how much I was struggling...that I was playing with fire when it came to my soul. I stopped going to Mass and Confession (which had been a daily and bi-weekly activity respectfully for the past year). I stopped PRAYING my Rosary which was the very thing that lead me to the Catholic church in the first place-funny enough though I never stopped carrying one in my pocket.

I found that I wasn't mad at the Church I was directly mad at God. He was the one person who could have changed the outcome of the whole experience. I yelled and screamed at Him while simultaneously begging Him to remove the pain I felt and hold me that way He had my entire life previous to this time. I wanted very much to throw my shoe at the tabernacle. Some people may have found my anger towards God shocking....but I saw at as confirmation that I really believe that He exists and has control over my life.

Through no work of my own but by the unconditional love and support of friends and family, my Christ(s) on Earth, I have found my way back into the arms of my loving Heavenly Father, His only begotten Son, and my most benevolent Mama Mary.

I look forward to Mass once again and end my day with my nightly Rosary. I am thankful for the never ending love that flows from the Mercy Seat of Christ and the Sacraments of the Catholic Church which heal my wounded soul. God is Love.