I have struggled my whole life with my physical appearance. I have been on a diet from the day I was born....when I was skinny, I wasn't skinny and I even celebrated my 20th birthday at fat camp (no I am not kidding). I was teased mercilessly by the kids in elementary school and even through high school. Someone once asked me how I still turned out so "confident" and my only answer was God. You would think my skin would be nice and thick with all of things that people have done and said but praise God I am still as tender hearted as ever.
My mom did a great job teaching me to wear clothes that flattered my assets :) and I have loved makeup since I was a little girl. I would like to think that for the most part I have kept up with what society tells us is beautiful as best I can with what I have. I enjoy clothes and feel I have my own way of expressing myself with my sense of fashion etc.
I say all this because my uniform arrived. For the next 6-9 months my wardrobe will consist of a navy mid calf skirt and a white blouse period... no makeup, no highlights, nothing. Just the canvas that God gave me. Talk about a humbling moment. Never before have I felt more vulnerable then when I looked at myself in the mirror with my mousie brown hair and unapplied face...and I will admit I had a mini melt down.
It was like there was nothing left for me to hide behind. Nothing to distort the way God made me...no Lancome, no Tiffany's, no Nordstrom's...nothing. I felt naked as a Jay Bird.
I know, I know...my beauty lies in Christ. But what a moment it was. To see myself so "different" from what I have seen myself as for the past 20-10 years and such a contrast from what the world calls beautiful.
I look like a Mormon for crying out loud!
I know once I am with the sisters, in their beautiful habits, that I will be encouraged and feel less like "a fish out of water" or at least people will be too scared to laugh at me with a bunch of nuns gathered around.
I look forward to the day that I will wear that beautiful black habit as a sign of my espousal to Christ. Until then...I will have to rely on great shoes!
2 comments:
You rock no matter what you wear... I know. Easy for me to say when I can wear makeup and funky clothes to cover the "how did that fat roll get there?" and the "I'm too old to have still have acne" spots on my mid-30s' body. Luckily for you, you'll be in a judgment-free zone and be a bride of someone who will always be there for you. Hey... I'm getting kinda jealous as I write this!
What about leopard print or hot pink, flip-flop patterned panties under that uniform? It'll be just between you and JC. -m :)
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