I AM a mother...

I Am A Mother

As my circle of friends without children has grown smaller and my circle of friends who are unmarried grows even smaller yet, I find myself meditating on my current state in life. Single. No children. And to be honest I’m not even sure if I am called to marriage (enough bad relationships will make any girl question her vocation).  But I do know I am called to be a mother, or better said, TO mother.

I am a mother hen by nature. I can’t help it. When I ask someone how he or she is I mean it. How ARE you, really, on the inside? I feel the need to feed. And I worry whether a person knows how much they are loved as they are, where ever they are.  And while most women my age are hearing the “tick, tick” of their biological clock I have come to a beautiful place only by the grace of God, and that place is an understanding that even though no one calls me “Mama” I am a mother to many whether they know it or not.

I have many Goddaughters. They range from age 1 to 70+ years old and are spread across the globe from here in South Carolina to the Nuba Mountains of Sudan. I am called to pray for them, to encourage them in their faith/faith formation, and to be an example of holiness to the best of my ability (I fail miserably at this one).  I AM their spiritual mother.

On any given night at the hospital I take care of between 10 and 20 patients as a nurse assistant. For some I simply float silently in and out of their room to take vital signs. For others, I listen to their stories of fear, frustration, and victory as they battle whatever illness brought them through our hospital doors. And for a few, I am the last hand they hold, the last face they see, or the last voice they hear as they step across the threshold into heaven. I AM their nursing mother.

There are many forms of illness in our world and I have a great amount of compassion for those who suffer from the diseases that cannot be seen. When they speak of wanting to be free from the memories that haunt them I understand. When they choose destructive lifestyles I can grasp this is simply a way to numb the pain they feel. And when they feel abandoned by their friends, family, or even God I nod my head because I know. I AM their suffering mother.

Everyday I am blessed to be a mother. It has brought me great joy these past months to realize that I can be and am a mother. Like our own mothers and THE holy Mother, I rejoice, grieve, and encourage alongside “my children” and for “my children.” I am thankful for the example Mother Mary gave and I am even more thankful that Christ gave her to us ALL when he hung on the cross (John 19: 27- Then He said to the disciple, “Behold your mother.” And from that day forward the disciple took her into his home.) Being a mother is beyond genetics. It is about offering oneself to others unconditionally the way Mama Mary offers herself to us, her children, in every moment of our lives.

I AM a spiritual, nursing, suffering mother.