The Stars at Night are Big and Bright....Deep in the Heart of Sudan

Can you believe that we have been gone for almost a month now? Neither can I!!

Last week I witnessed my first normal baby delivery as opposed to the stork dropping of the baby. It was pretty intense. I was the person coaching the patient to push etc. Can you believe I was the first person to hold baby and I got to tie and cut the cord? AMAZING!

Melanie and I went with Fr. Tom to the market on Saturday. Just like home there is a "Starbucks" on every corner, HA HA HA. The coffee is locally grown and pretty awesome. There is normally wrestling in the market on the weekends but due to the rain it was cancelled...maybe next week. We tasted some of the local brew out of gourds....all I could think was please God don't let me die from the germs of the million people who have drunk out of this thing before me :)

On Sunday I went with Fr. Tom to a welcome home celebration for a young man who had been separated from his family due to the war and had been in a refugee camp in Kenya for the past 10 years. He was actually on the cargo flight with us from Locochoggio, Kenya and it was beautiful to see the initial reunion. As this was a "big" feast for the family a goat was slaughtered...again I tested the strength of my stomach in an attempt to not offend the family that had so graciously welcomed me into their home. So...I ate goat and sorghum tortillas and continually talked myself out of throwing up. I did manage to escape a concoction of okra that looked like snot when you spooned it out of the bowl...phew dogged that bullet!

We have had several sad cases come into the hospital over the past few days. I know I have said this before but I can't get over how life and death are so matter of fact here. No one points fingers of blame...it is just part of life. There is a baby here who is 4 days old and has Spina Bifida. There is fear that Baby already has menegitis as he has such a high pitched cry. Tomorrow Sr. DeDe will perform surgery to repair the opening and I hope to observe the surgery. Please pray for her and the baby!

I am greatly enjoying my time with the Camboni sisters. They have been more than gracious hosteses to me and are teaching me little nuggets of wisdom. My favorite so far is: In order to be a good missionary you must have the stomach of a pig to eat anything, the shoulders of a donkey to carry you belongings with you where ever you go, and the knees of a camel to spend a great amount of time in prayer.

I am helping the sisters with a project to obtain funding for the secondary school here in Gidel. The young people that attend St. Joseph Seconday School live at the school as the school is very far for some of them. While the young women are able to reside in a dormatory, the young men have to fend for themselves and some have built make shift homes near the campus of the school. I couldn't get over the fact that some of the students, due to lack of money, only eat the 1 meal a day provided by the school. I was floored!! Sr. Angelina was telling me that the cost in US dollars to send a young person to secondary school for 1 year including food, shelter, medical care, the whole nine yards....$200 A YEAR!! People in the US spend that on jeans!! It has been an eye opening experience to work on this project to say the least!

We all continue to be strong and healthy and work hard. Please continue to keep us in your prayers for the next three weeks!

We Are in Kenya

Just a quick update...we arrived in Nairobi Kenya last night without any problems minus 2 of our bags did not make it. But hopefully they will be on the next BA flight!! THankfully the trunk we had with our personal items (shampoo, toothpaste etc.) made it here :)

We are staying in the Bishop of Sudan's compound here in Nairobi and it is a little piece of the Garden of Eden. Everyone has been so gracious to us and we had a lovely lunch outside with a traditional African menu of potatos with Maze, greens, and other lovely stuff mashed together. It wacos pretty delicious.

We leave tomorrow for Locochoco tomorrow were we will spend the night and then hop a cargo plane into Sudan. I still can't believe I am here and can't wait to get into the hospital and start working.

Please keep us in your prayers

First Dance

You fought the fight in me

You chased me down and finished the race

I was blind but now I see

Jesus You kept the faith in me 

"EMPTY and BEAUTIFUL"- Matt Maher

Well, the day has been set...January 10th is the date I become a Postulant. 

I am not sad nor am I anxious. I am ready.

Matt Maher said it best in the lyrics above from the song "Empty and Beautiful," You chased me down and finished the race...end of story.  And I surrender. I am on my knees and I am no longer fighting. He has pursued me since I was a little girl and I accept His invitation to come closer to His throne and listen to that "still small voice" that whispers His unconditional love for me. 

You know how couples choose a song for their first dance? Hunger by Kathryn Scott is what I choose for my first dance with Christ on  January 10, 2009:

I'm falling on my knees

Offering all of me

Jesus you're all 

This heart is living for

God Will Provide/ St.Therese of Lisieux

Updated Timeline:

• 2.5 Months- move to Washington, DC
• 2 Months- move to SC to celebrate the holidays with my family
• 2 Days- 2 out 3 furry children go to their new mommy
• 3 Days-move in with a gracious friend who is "storing me" for 2 months
• 5 Days-load my possessions into a pod

Level of Stress: off the chart
Sleep Habits: Sleep? What's Sleep?
Grace from Heaven to "Keep on Keepin' On?:" there isn't an ocean big enough to contain it


I have been spending time every day with Jesus in the Tabernacle. I pray a lot, listen for that still small voice, and I read...currently Saint Therese of Lisieux: The Story of a Soul


And just when I think that God cannot shower anymore grace upon me I read the following: Yet God has made me so that when once I love, I love for ever. (please see My Love Language post for importance). I had to giggle. What peace I found in knowing that the Little Flower, a Doctor of the Church, is as passionate about those that she loves as I am. And in that moment I found such comfort to know that love transends all time and space and no matter where I am or where those whom I love are... our love will reach one another. Just like the love of Jesus on the Cross.


St. Therese of Lisieux pray for us and may we continue to learn and apply your "little ways" to our daily lives.

My Love Language

I read a book many years ago called The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapmen. The premise of the book is that each of us feels loved by experiencing love in one of the following 5 ways:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

My "love language" is Quality Time...I feel closest to my friends and loved ones when we are together. We don't even have to talk. In fact I enjoy sitting next to those that are closest to my heart in mass, sharing in the beauty of our faith.

So, it occurred to me today as I was driving home from work that maybe, because my love language is quality time, that it might be the reason why I have become the insecure person that I have turned into these last 10 days.  That I have tried to fill every moment with being with my closest friends and have asked a million times for reassurance that they will stay in touch. The circumstances before me will force my love language of  Quality Time to morph into a new love language of which I am not sure of yet.

So I continued to ponder, meditate, which ever you choose to call it, that maybe this is what the 12 apostles went through as the circumstances with their beloved teacher changed.  That they had to shift their love language as the accessibility to our Lord changed. I am sure that it was a shock to have Jesus in the flesh and then to watch Him ascend into heaven after his death and resurrection, and then He was no longer available in the flesh but in the Spirit. 

I know that we have some friends are for a season, and the thought of that makes my heart hurt. But if the Apostles can adjust the way that the felt loved by their friend and savior Jesus, than surely I can do the same with my friends. I can't say that there won't be more tears or more need for reassurance. But I can say that once again I rely on the example of the saints to give me the courage to be molded by our Father into what He would have me be...even if it hurts.

Naked As a Jay Bird

I have struggled my whole life with my physical appearance. I have been on a diet from the day I was born....when I was skinny, I wasn't skinny and I even celebrated my 20th birthday at fat camp (no I am not kidding). I was teased mercilessly by the kids in elementary school and even through high school. Someone once asked me how I still turned out so "confident" and my only answer was God. You would think my skin would be nice and thick with all of things that people have done and said but praise God I am still as tender hearted as ever.



My mom did a great job teaching me to wear clothes that flattered my assets :) and I have loved makeup since I was a little girl. I would like to think that for the most part I have kept up with what society tells us is beautiful as best I can with what I have. I enjoy clothes and feel I have my own way of expressing myself with my sense of fashion etc.



I say all this because my uniform arrived. For the next 6-9 months my wardrobe will consist of a navy mid calf skirt and a white blouse period... no makeup, no highlights, nothing. Just the canvas that God gave me. Talk about a humbling moment. Never before have I felt more vulnerable then when I looked at myself in the mirror with my mousie brown hair and unapplied face...and I will admit I had a mini melt down.

It was like there was nothing left for me to hide behind. Nothing to distort the way God made me...no Lancome, no Tiffany's, no Nordstrom's...nothing. I felt naked as a Jay Bird.



I know, I know...my beauty lies in Christ. But what a moment it was. To see myself so "different" from what I have seen myself as for the past 20-10 years and such a contrast from what the world calls beautiful.

I look like a Mormon for crying out loud!

I know once I am with the sisters, in their beautiful habits, that I will be encouraged and feel less like "a fish out of water" or at least people will be too scared to laugh at me with a bunch of nuns gathered around.

I look forward to the day that I will wear that beautiful black habit as a sign of my espousal to Christ. Until then...I will have to rely on great shoes!

I'm Starting to Panic

I started to work on my timeline today...

• 4 Months- move to Washington, DC
• 3.5 Months- move to SC to celebrate the holidays with my family
• 1.5 Months-load my possessions into a pod and give my furry children to their new mommys (I burst into tears every time I think about this)

I am starting to panic. My chest is tight and I don't know where to begin to get things done. 

I feel exhausted of all decision making capabilities...

Although I am looking forward to the freedom of owning less, how do you choose what to store and what to take?

Do I take the crochet blanket that my mother made when I was a baby or do I take the quilt that was made for me when I graduated high school? If I take both is that excess? 

Do I take the Marine Corp K-Bar that was given to me when I moved from Beaufort or do I take MOTH 2 (Man of the House) that was given to me by my roommate Brooke to protect me (She has MOTH 1).  If I take both am I a military crazed, big knife carrying lunatic?

How many photos can I take? Can I take some of my Hibel paintings as well as Ode to Sarah made by my dear friend Natalie (taking Ode to Sarah is not a question it is merely can I take Hibels with me too)?

I have been told to come with as little as possible...how do you do that? 

These are the decisions that I just can't make now. 

I know that it may seem trivial but I feel paralyzed right now...somewhere between moderate stress and a panic attack.

I am experiencing a rude awakening of how dependent I am on things...

God is stretching me...pushing me. I am OK with that, it hurts, but I am OK!